“I need to apologize because I’m pretty sure I didn’t get your consent to do that to you”.
I was surprised to hear him say these words to me. Even though we are married, we both take consent very seriously, its what makes all of this possible for us. The issue of consent is different for us, being married we know each other so well and have talked occasionally in the past about what we are into. But wanting to get formal consent from me, my husband required me to fill out a long and detailed list, checking off all of my hard limits. Even without that list, my husband would know, for the most part, what I would be comfortable with, but it is now clearly written out for us both to reference. It also helped to open a discussion about our fantasies and kinks, which is always a fun topic of conversation!
My husband and I tried one of the items on that list that I’d marked as a hard limit, and surprise! I liked it. I’m not going to get into what it was that we tried, (I have to keep something for myself!) but it was definitely something that I never thought I would enjoy or even want to try. It just goes to show that trying new things and getting out of your comfort zone can sometimes work out for the better! I need to remind myself of that sometimes, and part of the reason we chose to explore a D/s dynamic in our relationship is to break down some of the walls I’ve built and open myself to new experiences.
The truth is that I did give him my consent. We’d discussed it a few days beforehand, and I told him what I thought about it, asked him why he wanted it, and I gave him some guidelines to follow to make me feel more comfortable about it. We didn’t talk about it again, I thought maybe he was just feeling me out or teasing me with sexy talk. But, then one night he just sprung it on me. He stayed within the parameters I had suggested and the spontaneity of it all helped to make it very erotic and I was able to enjoy every part of it.
I think that my husband was hung up on the fact that I’d listed this particular act as a hard limit and never formally gave him my consent. To me, our conversation was me giving him consent, but I think my husband needs me to be absolutely clear and direct when agreeing to change my mind about a limit. When he apologized to me, I was very confused because I didn’t feel as though he’d violated my trust. This little kerfuffle just illustrates how important it is to clearly communicate with each other to make sure that we are perfectly on the same page. I don’t ever want him to feel as though he’s done wrong by me in anyway. I’m glad that it worked out in the end, and now I have a new kink to add to my ever growing repertoire, one that touches all of my buttons in just the right way!