I always get so nervous before I do something new. I’m not sure why I’m like this as I’ve had plenty of practice diving into uncharted waters. Maybe that’s part of the appeal for me, overcoming that nervous energy that pulses through my body making my sweaty hands shake and reveling in the reward of climbing that hypothetical mountain. It can sometimes feel like I have butterflies in my elbows, a fluttering vibration that makes my fingers twitch and my mouth suddenly silent, thoughts bouncing around inside my head about what could be. That’s exactly how I was feeling last week as my husband steered his truck into the parking lot of one of our local breweries.
We had a date, not with each other, but with a lovely girl we know through mutual friends. We’d met her at a birthday party in late November, and on the way home that night, we both remarked how cute we thought she was. Being the wimpy one, I was content to leave it at that, we saw her and maybe we’d see her again. Not to my surprise, he friended her on Facebook and asked me to do the same. We spoke a bit back and forth, small talk, plans to get together with mutual friends, and then the holidays hit and everyone was swept into their own commotion of family activities. After Christmas, he asked me again to reach out to her and ask if she wanted to meet us for drinks, this time there was no inference of it being a friendly group activity. I expected her to skirt her way around it or invite a friend to come along, and I was totally surprised when she emphatically agreed, even suggesting a date to meet up.
It’s hard to date as a couple, obviously most women are looking for a single partner, and some even find the idea of dating a couple weird or even appalling. The only thing you can do is to put yourselves out there and hope for the best. That’s what we did, it worked, and it felt great!
Besides a few dates this summer, we haven’t dated anyone but each other in over ten years, so it’s easy to forget about the awkwardness, the uncertainty, and the sometimes absolute calamity you can experience on a first date. It’s a whole lot easier to approach when you’ve got a partner to lean on, especially when you’re a blundering nervous introvert like me. Even still, I find myself steadying my breath as we walk into the bar three minutes late.
She wasn’t there yet, and we were both grateful because we hate to be late, and we both needed to use the bathroom. As, I come out of the bathroom, rounding a stack of stainless steel kegs and bags of grain, there she is walking towards me, a huge smile on her porcelain pixie face. We greet each other with a hug, and right then and there, I know that we are going to have a fun evening.
We sat and talked for a couple of hours, the conversation flowing easily with the craft beer to wash it down. We don’t yet talk about the one thing that we all want to talk about. But, inevitably, we lay all our cards out on the small bistro table we’re gathered around, and she leans in, her eyes glistening in the dim light, a slight wicked smile tickling the edges of her mouth. This is the moment that I can really let my nerves go and relax because I can tell that she’s into it, and she isn’t going to grab her bag and leave, thinking we’re a couple of freaks as she walks out the door.
We really start getting into the conversation at this point and she has so many questions. Are you sure that you both are okay with this? No one gets jealous? You’ve done this before? How does it work when we get to the sex stuff? He and I have discussed our BDSM limits in explicit detail, and having a threesome is no exception. We know exactly what we are comfortable with, where the limits are, what can be discussed at a later date if this continues. Just as when we were out with friends or family, we leave all of our BDSM and D/s locked away in a secret little box, for us a threesome is separate from all of that. He and I look at each other and smile as we answer her questions, our love and deep commitment exposed by her interrogation.
We start talking about the kind of sex we like to have, and I ask her what she likes. Her eyes light up as she illuminates small details, giving us a peek into her mind, and I’m enraptured, she likes some kinky stuff! I’m so fascinated, my dirty mind playing out all sorts of situations, that I don’t even realize that she’s grabbed my hand and is holding it between her soft slender fingers. Our hands play the rest of the evening, the three of us leaning in towards each other, smiling and laughing. He later told me that the ladies book club meeting next to us kept looking over disapprovingly.
It’s finally time for us to go, and this is the moment. The before. The end of the night goodbye, do we kiss, do we hug, how do we end this wonderful evening. We are standing in the parking lot, and I ask her. Can I kiss you? She hesitates looking from me to him. Are you sure this is okay? I nod, grinning wickedly. And then, standing next to her parked car in plain view of the judgy ladies bookclub, the streetlights casting an orange glow over beer rosy faces, we kiss!