Twitchy

Quit moving that foot!

Once, when we were first dating, I asked my sister to take a sexy photo that I framed for him as a gift. It was pretty tame compared to many photos of me that are now floating about on the internet. I think you could see a nipple (gasp)! He still has that photo and it now sits under a pile of sex toys at the bottom of a drawer instead of proudly displayed on the dresser in his bachelor’s bedroom. We have come a long way since that innocent little photo.

My husband and I have only recently started taking erotic photos, and I think we both love that it’s one more thing we can do together. We began practicing Shibari over the Summer, and in order for me to be able to see what he was doing, he had to take pictures of his work to show me later. When I was finally free of my bonds, I would excitedly grab the phone out of his hand and marvel at the knots and complex rope combinations that wrapped in pretty patterns around my body. Sometimes, I would be surprised by how good it looked, how the ropes accentuated my female curves. Most of the time, I would lament at how the rope would squeeze my chubby flesh, pointing out the skin and flab poking through the gaps in the rope, the squished sag of my breasts, or the way gravity grabbed my belly and pulled it downwards in the most unflattering way. I quickly learned, that this was not the way to view these photos. I had to learn a different way to look at myself, I had to learn to view myself through his eyes because I was now his canvas and rope was his paintbrush.

We participated in our first Sinful Sunday the first week in December, and our photography went from personal to public. If someone would have asked me last year if I would ever have nude photos of myself on the internet, I would have undoubtedly answered with a firm negative. Absolutely not! Those photos are there forever, anyone can have access to them and use them for whatever they want, and no one wants to look at pictures of me naked anyways. I’ve changed a great deal in the last year, both physically and emotionally. I have found new confidence in myself. Much of that has been from hard work. Dieting and working out have brought back the body that I’ve been missing for the past six years or so. Some of that has to do with the instigation of a D/s dynamic into our relationship and the emotional support that brings. And, some of this new found confidence is from the feedback I receive from the photos I posted on this blog. It feels good to hear positive comments about a photo that bares my deepest insecurities, it makes my day a little brighter to share something that he and I created together and have people from all over the world like it.

I haven’t been as brave as some of the other bloggers I follow and admire who have posted images that show the realities of the female body, and that is something that I intend to remedy. I have control over what is seen, so I tend to post photos that make me feel and look sexy, thin, hairless, free of imperfections. Imperfections that we all have and that make us normal human women. One of my goals this year is to peel back the curtain a bit, and maybe post some images that push me further outside of my comfort zone.

We’ve recently taken our photography to new heights now that we are practicing rope suspensions. I am learning how to maintain focus while strung up in the air, and, most importantly, how to keep still. When I look at the images on screen, I look like an idle marionette, motionless, my limbs weightlessly held up by string. The reality, is that I’m trying to breath, hold still, suck in my gut, all while gravity is relentlessly pulling me downwards. This will all get better with time and practice, as I learn to surrender to the rope and as he becomes better at rigging and learns to distribute my weight more evenly. It’s a good thing all this practice will be so enjoyable!

I never knew how fidgety I was until we started taking photos. I wiggle a foot, move my head just slightly or I’ll hold a pose as long as I can and shift to the sound of an exasperated sigh from him. I need you to hold still – I almost had that shot! One would think that being tied up and unable to move would help me keep still, but if there is something to be moved, I’m going to find a way to move it and it’s probably going to ruin the shot! Or maybe it won’t and we will capture something real and special.