I haven’t been married for that long. Seven years going on eight in the grand scheme of things is pretty short, so maybe I’m not the best to be giving advice on marriage. I also have a very unconventional marriage. Submitting to my husband and dominant in a 24/7 power exchange is not going to work for everyone. I don’t think you have to have a perfect partnership in order to give good advice.
Every time I go to a wedding, the question always comes up: What advice would you give to the Bride and Groom? I’ve pondered this question a lot over the years, and my thoughts have generally stayed the same, even before I was married myself.
The first of my girlfriends to get married had a huge wedding, a very fancy affair with hundreds of guests, a shiny white dress, a humongous tiered wedding cake, and a videographer who captured every moment and interviewed the guests. He found me late in the evening after many glasses of wine, sweat drenched and red faced from dancing, I was quite giddy. “What advice do you have for the Bride and Groom?” He asked this seemingly innocent question and did not expect the nicely dressed girl with long curls to blurt out with a wine-stained grin, “Give lots of head!” I laughed and went on my way, wobbling in my heels not thinking another thing about it. I got a call from my girlfriend a few weeks later, saying that her parents had seen the video and they had to cut my interview out. We laughed, no hard feelings, but I probably would have answered in a more delicate manner had I realized that her family would also see the video. After many years of my own marriage, I would give the same advice. A good marriage needs lots of head, hand-jobs, kissing, sucking, massaging, fucking, whenever you can find a spare moment, because sexual touch strengthens your connection to each other. But obviously, there’s a lot more to it!
Here are some other bits of advice I have for a good marriage or partnership:
- Hold Hands – Holding each other’s hands is a simple way to be physical. It can be done in public, in front of friends and family, even while you’re in the company of people you know professionally. It lets the other know you’re there, that you care, that you love them. Give the hand a squeeze, rub the top of it with your palm, link your fingers together. Hold hands while sitting next to each other on the couch, while going on a walk, or while sitting across from each other at a restaurant. Hold hands when you’re scared, sad, angry, or bored. Hold hands when you’re happy.
- Hug – Too often we get caught up in daily life, and something as simple as a hug can be forgotten. A hug can cure so many ails. It can relax you when you’re feeling tense, it can soothe you when you’re sad, and it can celebrate your triumphs. A good hug places your body right up next to your partner, you can feel their breath, the curves of their body pressing into yours, their body heat seeps through your clothes and into you. It’s incredibly comforting. It can also be quite sexy with all the rubbing body parts. A good hug with my Hus-dom is sometimes all I need to get me in the mood.
- Laugh – Find ways to make each other laugh. A silly dance move while making dinner, a corny joke learned from a colleague, a tickle of a bare foot or the pinch of a nipple are sometimes all that’s needed to make your partner laugh. Watch funny movies or go see a comedy show together. You don’t have to be the funny one to find ways to laugh with your partner.
- Create – Make something together. It is a great way to improve your skills as a team, and the sense of pride you get from achieving something together is fantastic. You can create a nice meal to share, you can build something for the house, you can take a family portrait, or you can take a class together where you make a painting or a piece of pottery. Creating something from nothing helps bring you together.
- Explore – Travel can broaden your sense of the world and bring you and your partner together at the same time. It is an adventure that has to be planned, discussed, and orchestrated as a team. Not everyone has the ability to go on extravagant vacations, and that’s not always necessary. You can plan a stay-cation! You can find new ways to enjoy your home town by exploring parts you’ve never thought about. Take a drive down a road you’ve never been on, find a new trail to hike, make a pact to go to a new restaurant every month, buy tickets to an event you’ve never experienced. Sharing new experiences is exciting and fun.
- Turn Towards – Look towards your partner when they are speaking to you or sharing with you. It’s often overlooked in a day and age where are noses are often buried in our phones and tablets, but physically turn towards your partner to show that you’re interested in them and what they have to say. Sir might be talking to me about something I don’t really understand, fishing, cars, etc., but I will try to turn toward him, ask questions, or just nod my head as he speaks. It’s not as deep as actively listening, but it is a step towards acknowledging the importance of their words.
- Share – Find ways to share your separate interests. My husband and I don’t have all of the same hobbies, but we have found ways to enjoy each other’s interests together. He likes to fish and can spend hours wading through freezing cold water to catch one tiny little fish. I don’t like to fish and would be easily bored on a day long trek with him, but I can read for hours. So, I’ll come fishing with him, bring a book and a hammock, and we are both content for the day.
- Separate – Spend time apart. Have time set aside to be alone, to get the solitude that you each need. This can be a short five minutes in the morning or a long Saturday afternoon shopping. You can’t be the best you, if you don’t have some time to yourself.
- Small Gestures – I am always reminded about the ridiculousness of commercialized love around the holidays. Ads telling people to show their love by buying a diamond necklace or an expensive fragrance are on full blast. It’s the times in between that are wonderful opportunities to show that you care about your partner, and you don’t have to spend a lot of money to do it. Leave a love note in their lunch bag, grab their favorite candy bar while out running errands, give them a long back rub, give them a pretty rock you found while walking the dog, tell them they look cute in their gym clothes. The little things add up and can really bolster the love felt between two people.
These bits of advice won’t make for a perfect marriage or partnership. Honesty, open communication, loyalty, respect, and patience must be present among a myriad of other qualities. I try to practice the items on this list every day because making him happy makes me happy. I won’t claim to be a perfect wife, submissive, or partner, but I do try. I know that he sees it and feels it, and he gives it all back to me in return, completing the circle.