The first time he tied me, he held my shoulders and spoke. He looked at me seriously as he did, and I listened carefully. He told me about safewords, when and how to use them. I knew about them before this, I read about safewords in ThatBookThatCannotBeNamed, but I never thought I would be one to need them, I never thought I would have a reason to use them. Now, I am glad to use them. I want to be pushed to the edge of having to utter those words, sometimes I want to scream them out as I am brought over the line, and then eased back over to the right side.
We use the typical stoplight colors as our safewords, yellow for caution and red for stop. Initially, they were intended to be used for our rope play, but I’ve yet to use them during those scenes. He checks in often while we are playing with rope, every sigh and wince is addressed with concern. I am usually able to communicate my feelings clearly, but it is nice to know that they are there if I need them. Rope play can be very dangerous, and having an easy and succinct way to stop it immediately is comforting.
I have only used red a couple of times during impact play, yellow a bit more. I must admit that I am a little wimpy when it comes to pain from impact. I love it, I love to hate it. I want more, but I reach my threshold quickly. I am learning to push through, because when I use my safeword and he does back off, I am usually left a little disappointed in myself, I still want more. When I am able to push myself further, the pain melts into pleasure, I feel a sense of pride and I get that rush of endorphins that makes me feel so nice.
I like to be pushed to the point of saying “No!” “Wait!” “Stop!” or “I can’t!” The truth is that I don’t want play to be stopped at this time, and Sir knows this. He will often tease me, saying that is not the right way to get him to stop. I will try to wiggle away, and he will have to physically restrain me in some ways, sometimes with rope, sometimes just by putting his hand on my back and holding me still. This just adds another enjoyable element to the scene for me. I like to be restrained, I like to be made to endure.
Any time I have used my safeword in the past, it hasn’t affected our scene in a negative way. We are able to regroup and adjust, sometimes just changing the instrument is enough to allow us to continue on. Sometimes he just reduces the severity of the impact a little and I’m able to keep going at an easier level. I don’t think we’ve ever had to fully stop a scene after I’ve used my safeword.
We are constantly pushing our boundaries and trying new types of impact. He is very good to check in with me when we are experimenting for the first time, making sure that I’m enjoying myself and that we are being safe. Even though he asks me how I’m doing several times throughout a scene, it feels good to know that if something doesn’t feel right, I can end it all with a single word.
We’ve been together for over ten years, and we have built up a great amount of trust in that time. I know that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, he is very protective of my well being. He knows my body well, and how I react physically and emotionally, he knows what will set me off and what will get me off. Even still, having and using a safeword is important to both of us. It is part of our written contract to each other that I am to know and use my safewords whenever I feel it necessary. I have never felt shame for using my safewords, and that’s exactly how it should be.