I have always been a fan of rules. As a child, I thrived off of following the rules, sticking to the plan, and keeping my own sense of order. I could never understand the unruliness of my little sisters, wild hellions who liked to run away from home, throw their toys all over the house and pick all of my mother’s flowers. We’ve all grown up now and found our own way in the world, and I have found that I still like rules. I like the structure they provide, but I also like to bend and break them. I find it hard to follow rules that I don’t understand, that don’t seem to have any obvious beneficial purpose. Even though I am a good girl at heart, I have a bad streak, a little devil inside me that likes to push the limits, to break and bend the rules that society has placed upon me. I am not a brat, I would never purposely defy Sir’s instructions just to push him. I’ve slipped up a few times, but that is rare because I value the rules we have in place. They have an obvious benefit to both of us and our relationship. And whenever I feel the need to be bad, he’s right there with me, holding my hand as we jump off the edge of the cliff together.
At the beginning of our D/s, we spent a great deal of time writing out a contract that outlined all of the rules and duties we have to each other. We have since amended that contract, removing some items and adding others. Each item in the contract was discussed and negotiated so that we both agreed on the terms and rules. This means that I find value in them, I see their purpose, and I am able to adhere to them without feeling like I’m being suppressed or constrained. Following the rules set forth in our contract creates a structure in our relationship and daily life that allows me to thrive. I am happier, healthier, and safer with this structure in place.
Most of the rules in our contract revolve around treating each other with honesty and respect. I am to speak politely, respectfully and truthfully in all matters. I am to obey him in all things with the understanding that he is acting in my best interest. When we first got engaged and were making plans for our wedding, I had a huge issue with the traditional wedding vows that called for me to obey my husband. I felt like it was a vow I wouldn’t be able to realistically keep, as if he would ask something of me that I wouldn’t be willing to do. The truth is that he would never do that. He would never ask me to do something that I found uncomfortable and require full obedience without any sort of discussion. Since the instigation of our D/s, I have obeyed him, and I haven’t had one issue with it so far. Not to say that I’m perfect and haven’t slipped up, but I haven’t overtly defied him.
There are rules in place for my safety. As a real estate agent, my work requires that I show homes to people, sometimes strangers, and even though my office has safety protocols in place to protect us, Sir requires that I always have my phone charged and on me at all times. This was something that I struggled with in the past. I would let my phone die, and he wouldn’t be able to get in touch with me. If I were ever in a dangerous situation, having my phone ready and on me could potentially save my life. Since we signed the contract, I have not let my phone battery die. I must communicate my work schedule to him as soon as possible. Being that I work at different times all over the county, it is a safety issue if he doesn’t know where I am and who I am with. I am also to request permission for any activity I want to do outside of our home such as drinks with a friend or an afternoon hike. He also has the authority to discuss with me any toxic friendships I may have, and we will decide together whether or not that friendship is good for me. I’ve had friends in the past who steered me in the wrong direction, and having this protocol in place allows him to bring to light potential issues. I am also to know and use my safewords, an easy and obvious way to keep both of us safe.
I have daily rituals and tasks that I am to perform, some of which might seem pointless to those on the outside, but they work for us and that’s all that matters. I must wake up by seven and I am required to wear my nipple clamps for ten minutes every morning to help make them more sensitive to touch. I am to sleep topless at all times. This was one I was a little worried about at first but has become one of my favorites. I thought I would be cold in the winter, but I was actually warmer this winter than in previous ones where I was bundled up in sweats and socks under the covers. If I get cold, I snuggle up to him and he works as my own personal heater. I am required to ask permission to use the bathroom when we are together, and I must ask permission to eat a meal when we are apart. These might seem arbitrary, but they help establish my submission to him. I thought that I would find these stipulations annoying, but I have become so used to them and I enjoy the feeling they give me.
I am required to care for our rope. This involves winding it up when we are done with a scene, keeping the ends whipped so they don’t fray, and cleaning it if it gets dirty. I must also clean all of our toys and impact tools once a month even if they haven’t been used. I am not allowed to touch the toys or rope without permission unless I am cleaning them.
I have many rules regarding my physical health. I must stretch for fifteen minutes every morning, and I must exercise five days a week to help prepare my body for rigorous rope scenes. I am also to request permission to consume any sugary drink or treat. This set of rules has provided the greatest visual impact on my life. I have lost twenty five pounds since we signed our contract, I am stronger than I have been since I was a teenager. I am able to bend in ways that I never thought possible again. It is not a requirement for a rope bottom to be thin and fit, but I wanted more out of my rope practice and in order to do that, I needed to make some changes.
Some of the rules we have in place revolve around my service to him. I have always been a people pleaser, but more importantly, I enjoy these tasks because they are small gestures that provide a big impact on his life. I make his coffee every morning, which might not sound like a big deal, but I don’t drink coffee, so I didn’t even know how to make it until recently. I also wash his back every night when he showers. I give him a pedicure once a month to help keep his feet nice. These tasks don’t take up a lot of time, and I enjoy the intimacy of them.
There are some tasks that I do that are not written in our contract. These are things I do on a daily basis as part of my submission to him. I greet him at the door when he comes home from work, take his things and put them away, and ask him how he’s doing. I try to make sure the house is in order and free of visual clutter so that when he comes home, he can fully relax. I ask him if he wants water or another type of drink. I wait for him before I begin eating.
Most of our rules are easy for me to adhere to, but there are a few that I have to make a conscious effort towards. Sir requests that I respond to him quickly and clearly when he asks me a question. This is not easy for me as I have a tendency to overthink and question my decisions. I’ve gotten much better, but it is still something that we both are working on. He will put me to the test, asking me what table I would like at a restaurant. I don’t know why it is so hard for me to choose something as simple as a table. Another rule that I have trouble with is walking on his left side, slightly in front of him while we are in public. He is nearly deaf in his right ear, so he wants me on the side that he can hear me. He wants me in his line of sight at all times, and since I have a tendency to dawdle, this can be difficult.
We have many rules that pertain to sex. I am to be ready and willing for him at all times. This, of course, does not include times where I may be unwell in any form. I am not to masturbate without permission. I used to masturbate so much that it became hard for me to orgasm with him. That hasn’t been an issue in a very long time, and now he is giving me multiple orgasms during a session.
Our contract denotes that punishments are to be handed out in a timely manner and according to the severity of the infraction. I don’t often break the rules because I find them to be important to our dynamic and I see the benefit of them in my daily life. We don’t have specific punishments in place for particular infractions, and Sir tends to get creative with his punishments as I seem to enjoy spankings and impact centered punishments. He has used physical exercise as punishment or he has taken away certain privileges, such as my right to speak or the use of the indoor toilet. Most of the infractions I commit are minor and a simple discussion is enough to get the point across. Honestly, I have enjoyed all the punishments he’s given me so far even if they were unpleasant. I either appreciate the challenge, they tap into some part of me deep inside and turn me on, or I get a sense of closure from them.
I enjoy the structure having rules provides me. They help keep me focused and manage my time. They are rules that I agree with and can see the benefit of following, so I am able to keep up with them easily. It may seem like a lot, but I get so much out of this dynamic. I give myself to him, and in return, I get a higher level of emotional support from him. I feel taken care of, cherished in a way that is different before the onset of our D/s. There has always been respect, honesty and love, but now they are heightened, almost tangible. Feeling supported and cared for in this way has had a physical manifestation in me as well which feeds into his needs. I feel him emotionally, which makes me want him physically. My physical response to him creates an emotional response in him. We are supporting each other in exactly the way the other needs, creating more strength in our bond. Rules are just one piece of the D/s puzzle, a puzzle that we will continue to work on and build upon as long as we can.