I’ve spoken a few times about how I don’t talk about my blog, D/s or our rope practice with my sister, and I think it’s put a little strain on our relationship. I haven’t been able to be open and honest with her and so our conversation doesn’t flow as it normally does. I think this also has to do with some problems she’s been working through and the fact that she is very focused on improving herself. This means she’s been a little self-centered lately. I have tried to be understanding about it because I know that is most likely required for what she’s trying to accomplish. There’s nothing wrong with focusing on yourself and self-care, but it does mean that I’ve had to limit my time with her because I simply cannot talk about her problems for the entire time we are together.
We recently went to Atlanta for a long weekend to attend Frolicon and she stayed at our house to take care of our dog. I had initially told her we were going to Atlanta to see a show, but soon realized this could be a great way to begin the conversation of what I’ve been up to for the better part of a year. I was at her house raiding her closet for clothes to bring to the convention and finally spilled the beans. I mentioned it casually. So we aren’t really going to Atlanta for a show. She seemed almost uninterested. Oh, really? What are you doing there then? And, I told her we are going to a kink convention. Hahaha! Y’all are such freaks, I love it! Don’t get come on any of my clothes please! And, that was it. She had no more questions. I decided to leave it at that, spill the beans one bean at a time to lessen the load. I’m not sure if that’s the right way to go, but I’m glad that I got it out there, even just a little.
Her disinterest kind of bothered me though! And, even when we got back and I had all kinds of funny, weird, sexy stories to tell, she didn’t pry for more information, even changing the subject back to her own issues when ever I mentioned something about the convention. I spoke with Sir about it and he thought that I should bring it up to her, let her know that I felt like she didn’t care about what was going on in my life. I tried to put myself in her shoes. Is it because it’s sexual in nature and she’s uncomfortable about that? We’ve talked about sex in many ways over the years, so I find it hard to believe she’s only recently gotten squeamish about it. Or is it simply that her depression causes her to be hyper focused on herself? Either is fine, I just want to have some answers. I called my mom and asked her opinion, obviously keeping Frolicon and my kinks out of the conversation. She said I needed to set boundaries with her, limit my time with her if she’s not going to balance conversation topics, and to let her know how I feel. I haven’t spoken with her about it yet. We are all going to a wedding this weekend and I didn’t want to add a boiling pot of contention to our load. We will be staying with our other sister who still lives on the coast, and it will be the first time we are all together in over a year. I want the weekend to be fun and free from conflict.
I was still bothered though and when I got a random text from the other sister, I decided that it was time for me to talk to her about everything. We aren’t as close simply because we live so far away from each other and she works opposite hours from me so it’s hard to find time to talk on the phone, but whenever we do, we talk for a long time. She wanted to know what I was wearing to the wedding, so I sent her photos of the two options I’d chosen. One is a long dress that covers all the rope burns on my legs, and one is a short romper that shows everything. She liked the romper better and I told her that I was nervous about wearing it because of my scars. I told her how I got the scars and sent a photo of me hanging upside down wrapped up in rope. She loved it, squealing and OMGing through the earpiece, wanting to know more. Then she went into problem solving mode and gave me three or four different scenarios to explain the red marks on my legs. She had so many questions about D/s and rope bondage, shared some of her kinks and sexy stories, and asked about my blog, insisting that I let her look at it. She is the first non-kinky person that I’ve shared my blog with, and it felt good to finally be out with it. We stayed up until 1:30 in the morning talking and sharing until we were both about to fall asleep with our phones in our hands. That was what I’d been looking for from my other sister, just a little interest. I know that this stuff isn’t as captivating to everyone else as it is to me, but it still warrants some questions.
I’m going to take baby steps in revealing all of this to my little sister. I know that she’s going through a hard time and I want to be understanding of that. I don’t know why she doesn’t seem interested in where my life is going, but I know she loves me and cares about me, even if she’s unable to show it. Now that I’ve told our other sister everything, I feel a lot better. It was a relief to finally mention what had been unmentionable for so long.