It’s hard making new friends as an adult. It’s even harder when you have friends like I do. I’ve been friends with the same core group of girls for thirty years. We used to ride the bus together, run from each other on the playground, we shared stories of first kisses, first loves. We have fought and made up, gotten drunk and puked in each others cars, we’ve made mistakes. We have been to each others weddings and we have witnessed the birth of children, watched them grow and become little versions of each other. Even though some of us live far away, we still keep in touch, go on vacations, and when we do get together, it’s like time has stood still. We are still the same girls we were when we were young. Sir has a similar situation with his friends, although they met when they were a little older, they have that strong connection that you can only get from knowing someone for more than half your life.
When I left to go to school, my little sister had already established herself in the quiet city on the coast, and I fit right into the little nest she’d built. I didn’t need to make new friends because she’d already done that for me. My husband was connected to her group of friends and that’s how we met. We recently went down to visit our old town for a wedding and reconnected with all of our old friends. It was like we’d never left. We stayed out late into the night talking, dancing, drinking and just being the people we used to be before we left for the mountains. It reminded me of how hard it was for us to leave them, and how it was even harder to make new friends once we got here.
We had each other, but we knew we needed more than that. We would go out for drinks and strike up conversations with strangers and try to make friends. It was a lot like trying to date, and it was a disaster. I don’t think we came across as a nice friendly couple, more like desperate creepers. We just wanted to have that same connection we’d had with our friends back home, the kind of friendship that didn’t take a lot of work. Are you free? We are too. Let’s do something! We struggled for a while until some of our friends from home decided to move to the mountains too. We made some friends at work and were able to meld them all together to create a group that got along.
We still needed more though. There wasn’t enough of us, and we were quite spread out in the area which made it hard to meet up sometimes. We live way out on the top of a mountain, and people just don’t want to make that commitment all the time. We understand, neither do we, and we end up staying in a lot. Perhaps staying in is partly what led us to BDSM, a need for something to do, something more to keep our minds and bodies occupied. And, strangely enough, this special connection we found with each other has revived our social life in ways we never knew possible.
It’s so easy to make friends in the kink community! So easy, I’m amazed that there isn’t a similar platform for non-kink folks to make friends and find like-minded people in their area. We have only been attending local events since October and we have already built up a small group of friends that we can call on when we need them. These are people who we can be completely open with, we can joke about butt plugs over dinner, or we can meet for drinks and discuss the differences in our 24/7 D/s relationships. We can also talk about our vanilla lives, work and stress and travel and family.
These aren’t just superficial friendships where you see them out, have some small talk and then forget about them the next day. We make plans, share ideas and become inspired. I’ve been thinking about starting an all female and femme identifying munch, and last month I met someone who wants to help. We have set a loose timeline to make this happen. My husband and I have been talking about hosting a kinky pot-luck, and so many of our new friends are on board. We used to host parties all the time where we used to live, and that has been something that has been lacking since we moved to the mountains. Now, we have an outlet for this and a group of people willing to put in the effort with us.