I am living my very own fantasy. We are still pretty new at this, D/s and bondage and kink, so it is all still fresh and exciting and naughty. I know it won’t be like this forever, the intensity might wane when the newness slips away, but for now I want to roll around in it, bury myself in it like a dog finding something stinky in the woods.
I’d always fantasized about being dominated. I imagined someone big and strong holding me down as they took what they wanted from me. I, of course, was a willing victim, squirming just enough to make it seem like I didn’t want it but loving the feeling of being taken and used. I wanted to be held down while all my bits were displayed and explored. I wanted to be roughed up and bitten, spanked and choked.
I don’t know why I never brought these fantasies up to my husband. We spent almost ten years together before we really delved into this side of ourselves. We both had fantasies like this, parallel wants that just happened to match up perfectly. I think it’s the fear of rejection that causes people to hang in sexual purgatory, never wanting to put themselves out there so they float along in a river of apathy their entire lives. We accidentally stumbled out of that river, finding new land, a paradise full of passion.
That’s where we are now, on our little island of fun, exploring everything from the deep dark caves to the bright swaying treetops. We have gotten over the embarrassment of talking about fantasy, the fear that the other might balk at our deepest desires. We have opened that door and there is no going back. I certainly wouldn’t be able to even dip my toes back in that water, where our sex was routine, our fantasies were mundane, and our passion was limited.
Don’t get me wrong, we still had fun! We played with other people on occasion, we experimented with bondage and light impact, and we enjoyed role play every so often, but it wasn’t this. It wasn’t a full commitment to find pleasure at every turn, to explore the deepest reaches of our desire and to push ourselves to become better all around, better lovers, better partners, better at living.
Being in a 24/7 D/s dynamic with my husband is my fantasy becoming reality. Giving him the control means that I feel the weight of him on me at all times. Just like the fantasies of my past where I’m being physically held down by my captor, I am symbolically held by him, I can feel his grip on me. I feel supported and cared for, but I also feel owned. These feelings have made a positive impact in my life, improving how I spend my time each day, giving me a confidence to do things that I’ve pushed aside in the past. I’ve said it many times before, but this blog is a perfect example of that. I wouldn’t have this creative outlet if it weren’t for D/s.
These feelings have manifested physically in me as well. I want him constantly, I want to feel his touch, to hear his voice in my ear, I want to take in his scent and his taste. My want for him means he feels wanted, and the circle of support and care continues. By giving me my fantasy life, I give him the fantasy wife, always ready to be fucked, always down to please and play, and my mind is now open to new adventures and experiences, where before I might have been reluctant and timid.
We are happy on our little Fantasy Island, and even though the newness will eventually wear away and we might once again settle into a comfortable routine, our lives will still be better than they were before. Better because our lives now have things like rope and floggers and Wartenberg wheels, leather cuffs and training clickers and glass dildos, sexy friends and regular kink events. We are fulfilled, not just sexually, but emotionally and mentally. We will probably live on this island for a while, maybe forever, and perhaps we will die happily together on our little island with nothing but a St. Andrew’s Cross to mark our shared grave.