Off Center

We’ve recently been knocked off course, not by one big catastrophic event but by a few small things. I feel that our D/s has suffered because of it. We were finally able to sit down yesterday and speak about it in detail, so we are on our way to finding that necessary balance again. It is extraordinary how such seemingly insignificant things can cause our dynamic to derail.

One such derailment has been a result of our busy social calendar. We are both pretty social creatures, Him more than I, and we’ve had a lot going on recently. There are two play parties we attend each month, plus the monthly rope bite and now I’ve added my Girls Club munch to that. We’ve been trying to go on dates more often as well as meet up with platonic friends. We have also had visiting family. It’s been a lot! We have time set aside for just the two of us every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday for rope practice and play, but we have rescheduled these days quite often, sometimes skipping them altogether, which is fine every once in a while, but when it adds up, it starts to take a toll. One that I have felt deeply in the last few weeks.

My submission has slipped. I’m not as focused as I want to be. I’ve missed tasks several times throughout the past weeks, and because both of our focus has been off, he has forgotten punishments. I do believe that D/s is all about give and take, and if we both aren’t up to par, then we both slip. The problem is that we’ve slipped week after week, and the slope has gotten a little steeper as time has gone on.

I find that when our D/s gets put on the back burner, I start to feel down. I’m usually very energetic and happy, but lately I’ve felt a little low, less ambitious, unmotivated. When I get like this, it bounces off of him, and he feels it too. We are like mirrors to each other that way, which is great when things are good but can exacerbate the negative. I feel as though I’m in a rut, that I’m not making any positive progress which is a difficult place for me to be. I want to always be looking up, but lately I’ve been looking in and not liking what I’m seeing.

I think that we have caught ourselves in time and we are slowly making our way back to the sunny side of the mountain. Our talk yesterday was helpful, and we both know we have to work at this. I want both of us to continue to improve, and part of that is finding a balance. I need structure in my life in order to feel right, but he finds too much structure to be inhibiting. He will try to get better about providing me with that structure, and I will accept that sometimes it is okay to break outside of the box and get a little willy nilly.

There’s a lot more going on here than just a busy social calendar, but I think that’s just part of life. People get busy, unexpected surprises can derail everyday life, and we push aside what we can in order to fit everything in. Unfortunately, we have pushed aside our time to connect and our dynamic has paid the price. We’ve recognized the problem and have a solution, so only time will tell how things play out. Hopefully, we will find our balance soon and get back to center.