Taboo-ness

As far as I’m concerned, I’m living a taboo fantasy, one that I’d only read about in books and online erotica. I never knew this was something that was real, that real people like me and you could live this lifestyle. I thought it was just an extreme fantasy.

I have always gotten my kicks from reading sexy stories, reading books that caused a tickle in my panties when I was too young to really understand, sneaking off to the family computer at night to search the bowels of the internet for filth that would drive my hands into my pants, and as an adult, quietly clearing the browser history on my laptop after an hour long masturbatory session. I always enjoyed reading smut with a D/s underlay, stories where a male character dominated a female character, pushing her past her limits and making her scream with pleasure, but I never knew about this whole world, these relationship dynamics that exist between ordinary people. The characters in my stories and the wild sexy things they did were taboo to me. The lives of those fictional characters mirror my own; that taboo-ness is now my reality.

I admit it! I read the Fifty Shades of Grey series. I didn’t know much about it when it came out, I wasn’t attuned to social media at the time, so I only heard about it from a friend. Her brother had brought a new girlfriend home to meet the family, and my friend was astounded that the girl had asked her mom if she’d read the book. I was confused – why would that be an inappropriate dinner conversation? Do you know what that book is about? It’s about BDSM! I laughed at the hilarity of the awkward dinner scene, and didn’t think much about it for many years. When I finally did read the books, the buzz around them had died down. I don’t know what prompted me, honestly I think I just really liked the title. It turns out the title was the best part of the books. I couldn’t believe how horribly written they were, yet I finished the whole series. Nobody can call me a quitter! Even this late in life, I didn’t know that this lifestyle was a real thing, and the books only solidified that thought for me. A full time BDSM relationship, Dominance, submission, contracts and limit negotiations, those were for obscure billionaires. The rest of us just got kinky in the bedroom from time to time. Well, here I am, a few years later and I am a full time submissive, similar to Anastasia Steele but without the boatload of money.

This morning I received a punishment spanking. I kissed my husband goodbye on his way out the door, but before leaving, he turned and put his things down. I almost forgot! A sly smile crept to his face and he grabbed the tawse hanging on a hook by the door. You forgot the coffee. How many swats do you get for that? I smiled, my pussy perked up a bit, and I pulled my pajama pants down and leaned over the back of the couch. Five. I get five swats for forgetting to make his coffee. He peppered my ass and thighs with light slaps, rubbing his hands over my bare bottom, and then he delivered the five hard swats. I counted them out and tried not to wiggle away, relaxing into the cushions. Those are the rules. Count and receive. He rubbed my reddened ass, taking a little more time as his hands rub and pat away the sting. As always, I thanked him when he was done. As he walked out the door, I heard him tell me in his sternest voice, You be sure to do that again! Did I hear him correctly? I turned to look through the glass and he grinned at me. You have a Dom Rod, don’t you! I laughed at him and turned away to finish the dishes, my smile lingering long after he’d driven away. This little exchange is typical for us now and we both get pleasure from it, but not long ago, I would have considered it to be completely taboo to allow my husband to punish me at all, let alone with a spanking.

My parents raised three strong and independent women. We grew up with the words Never Depend on a Man! echoing through our typical suburban home. I am still a strong independent woman, but if you had told that polite but rebellious teenage girl that she would grow up to be a submissive wife, she would have rolled her eyes and laughed at you sideways. I firmly believe that I can be both submissive and feminist, after all it is my choice to submit to my husband, but it is still strange to me, a little taboo even that in our household, we are not equals as man and wife. I depend on my husband for so much more now than I used to before D/s, and if I were to lose him, the loss would be greater. Not only would I lose my husband, my best friend, my favorite person, I would lose my Dom, the one who, not only supports me and loves me but also controls me and molds me. The fact that I am dependent on and subservient to my husband is completely taboo to me, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I know everyone has a different view on what is taboo. It’s kind of like spicy food. Atomic hot might be superbly pleasurable to one person and it might ruin another person’s night (and probably the next morning too, right?). There is a spectrum of acceptability when it comes to taboo-ness. I know that a lot of us kinky folk wouldn’t really consider a D/s dynamic to be all that taboo, and in comparison to things like incest fantasies and scat play, it’s really not. What makes it post-worthy for me is that it’s so far off from where I ever thought I’d be, but at the same time, it feels so normal. It’s not something that I can turn on and off, it’s my every day reality.