It has almost been a year since I wrote down a sexual bucket list. It was before our first big kink event, Frolicon in Atlanta, and he asked me to list all the things I wanted to do there. My list included a public impact scene, a public orgasm and getting it on with another girl. A lot can happen in a year, and while I have yet to do everything on that list, my bucket is overflowing with happy, fulfilling experiences. Some of these are sexual in nature, some hit me completely by surprise and some were lofty goals that I set and still somehow met.
It seems we are constantly surprising ourselves with where we are in our rope practice. We were so busy this fall, and more than a month passed before we realized we hadn’t even taken our rope out of the bag. We keep a pretty regimented life, with regularly scheduled practices and rope play dates, but as it always seems to do, life gets in the way. Even with an unintentional hiatus, we have improved. Maybe it’s an argument that taking a step back can be helpful. It just seems that I suddenly looked up and we had taken a few giant steps forward without me even realizing.
I’ve started tying now and have an eager rope bottom who is communicative and straightforward. Although, I don’t get to practice with her as often as I’d like, whenever we do get together, it’s a wonderfully positive experience. His skills have also improved greatly in the last couple of months, and I believe that can be attributed to our communication. We know that if one of us isn’t feeling it, the scene isn’t going to go well. Rope cannot be forced, it must come from a place of positivity, and now that we have learned that, our practices have become more meaningful and successful.
We have really tried to build up our rope community here in Western North Carolina. Many of the events here aren’t rope-centric, and only one play party has a hard point. We just put a portable rig in our online cart and will purchase it after the first of the year, so that we can bring it with us to local events. We have more and more people approaching us at events, asking questions, asking to get tied, asking about rope bite. This is very exciting for us, as we are somewhat rope obsessed and the more people we can get involved and enthusiastic about it, the more we can do here in the community.
Sex and Non-monogamy
Most of the items on my Frolicon Wish List were sexual in nature, things I’d never done, things I’d tried and wanted more of. Now, almost a year later, my sexual bucket is near to overflowing with kinky, sweet, sexy fun. We have made a lot of changes in the last year, and one of the biggest is that we have decided to open our marriage. We have never been monogamous, but we’d always kept our non-monogamy fairly closed in that we only dated and had sex with other women together. Finding unicorns is not easy, but we were lucky enough to meet to amazing women who enjoy both of us, whether at the same time or separately. It started off slowly, as change often does, with a Solo Date and a Dirty Parking Lot Blow Job. We both enjoyed that experience, but it would still be some time before we really jumped in to non-monogamy with both feet.
Fast forward a couple of months and one of our dates asked me if I wanted to come stay the night with her in her camper. I absolutely did! I love camping, even though a camper is a very glamorous version of what I’m used to, and I was excited to spend a whole night cuddling, watching movies and drinking hot chocolate with her. And, oh yeah, sex too. I asked him if that would be okay, as all sleepovers up until that point took place at our house. He said yes, and then he paused. What? I asked. Oh, nothing. Never mind. He knows I always have to know. Never mind doesn’t really work well with my overly curious brain. No really, what? And he he asked what I thought about him dating solo. I thought for a moment, dug around inside myself searching for any ill feelings. I didn’t have any. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I was seriously turned on! I told him that I thought that would be fine, making sure to point out that the thought made me ridiculously horny.
We both changed our Tinder profiles from a couple seeking women, to individuals, and wouldn’t you know, he had a date within a few days with C. The date went really well. She was cute and engaging, and they had a lot in common. I spent the evening sexting with one of our lovely friends and getting myself completely worked up, and when he came home, we ripped each others clothes off and fucked like animals on the couch.
This week, I met C. We all went out for dinner and drinks, talked about trivial stuff like work and the weather. We also talked about sex and laughed about the confused look on the bartender’s face when he eventually takes her to our regular watering hole for beers. It was fun and easy and not awkward in the least. I loved that she felt comfortable putting her hand on his thigh, and I insisted he walk her to her car at the end of the night, knowing he would kiss her. I think this is what makes non-monogamy so enticing, not just because you get to have fun with other people, but because the excitement your partner feels is contagious.
I didn’t have any expectations when we started this, but I couldn’t imagine a better scenario. Even though she isn’t interested in me sexually, she is interested in me in general and us as a whole. She’s read my blog, she knows all about our dynamic, she’s open to the idea of non-monogamy and whatever that might entail. It’s not a straightforward, black and white thing we have going on. It’s crooked and unclear, there’s no telling how this all might turn out or where we will be in a year, but for now, this works.
I have yet to go on a date with someone new. I’ve had a lot of missteps and almosts. He continues to meet new people, go on first dates, and send cute, flirty texts, all while I’m bumbling around in this crazy dating pool. He sees C regularly, sometimes just for a meal and sometimes for something much sexier. I love to hear about their encounters, sometimes it makes me so wet I can’t help but touch myself.
Because we have opened our minds to non-monogamy, my sexual bucket is brimming. Not just with the amazing sex I have with my husband and our two sexy lady friends Q and V, but also with the excitement I get from him and his separate dating life. I have a new friend in C, and I have possibility, the unknown that is out there waiting to be discovered.
Writing and Blogging
I jumped in with both feet not knowing what I would find or where I would end up. I feel kind of like Elle Woods in Legally Blonde, I just woke up one day and decided to become a sex blogger. I admired all of the successful bloggers I followed and wanted to dip my toe into that world. I set goals for myself that I thought were completely outrageous. I wanted to be on the Top 100 Sex Blogs list compiled by Molly Moore of Molly’s Daily Kiss, but I thought it would take a couple of years. I worked for it nonetheless by setting goals to write a certain number of times per week, switching to self hosting, deciding to use only my own photos, fine tuning my bio and really trying to make my blog a reflection of myself. I did not expect to make that list. Not at all.
I happened to have my phone in my hand when the email came through, because, well I’ll be honest, my phone is always in my hand. I scrolled through, seeing all the people I enjoy reading and celebrating for them. Then I got to #49, and there it was. MY NAME. I just now went back to check, to make sure it was still there just in case I dreamed it. (It’s still there!) I couldn’t believe it. I have been on a little blogging hiatus this fall, busy with work and dating and sexy sex, and seeing my name on that list has given me a kick in the ass. My confidence is boosted and my competitive side has reawakened. I am challenging myself to do better next year which means I need to get back to writing.
It was around this time last year that I asked him what he thought about me joining the Smut Marathon. I explained it to him in detail, the number of assignments, the prizes. I don’t think I was looking for permission necessarily, but for encouragement, for a push. It seemed silly to me because I was so unexperienced. Before starting this blog, I wasn’t a writer so how could I expect to have any sort of success in a year long writing competition with professional and seasoned writers. He gave me the push I needed, and I joined up, feeling like a fifth grader attending a college class.
I’m so glad I entered this competition, because I won! I won. I still can’t believe it. This might be one of the greatest accomplishments of my life. As far as bucket lists go, I think this is it. Number one. And, it’s not the winning that fulfills that spot, not the long list of sexy prizes. It’s the fact that I’m going to be published. A published writer! That’s something that has never seemed feasible or realistic, something that I never even said out loud because it would never happen. And, now this undreamable dream is a reality.
As far as I’m concerned, my full bucket can be put on the shelf, because I did it!