CW: Emotional Abuse, Divorce.
You would think that once a person leaves an abusive relationship that the abuse stops, that they are able heal and move on. This isn’t always the case. My abuser continues to harass me on an almost daily basis. I’m lucky that I am surrounded by support and am reminded every day that he is a bully and that his threats are empty and his manipulations are temporary.
I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, a point in time where I will no longer need to engage with him at all. Our house was finally listed this month and went Under Contract in merely a week. The closing date approaches with every passing day and I will not have to talk to him any more after that.
This week he told me that he is requesting 60% of the proceeds from the sale of our home because his physical health is compromised and he will have to retire early. He claims his lawyer believes that he will be able to take me to court and a judge will side with him on this request. He told me that because he carried me financially while I was getting my real estate license, he has grounds to request more than half of our assets. He tried to scare me and bully me into taking this “deal” he’d offered me, that if I decided to take it all the way to court, I would lose even more. I looked over our tax returns for the years leading up to the start of my real estate career through the current year, and my income has not been affected in the slightest. He never had to carry me. His tactics will not work on me.
Yesterday, he was able to access my private text messages between my sister and I via the iCloud. He read months worth of correspondence, some of which discusses very private matters regarding my sister’s mental health. He saw that one of my partners was recently diagnosed with Covid and told me he filed a formal complaint with my real estate firm, saying that I was exposed and was putting my colleagues and clients in danger. I haven’t seen that particular partner since August 11th. He also said he called my office and requested that he be allowed out of the contract he signed, stating that I am not fit to represent the sale of our home. He wants the contract to be transferred to his own agent, despite the fact that we are saving $9000 by using my own firm for the transaction. He threatened my livelihood out of spite.
He called me a cheater and a liar, he compared me to the horrible lying fool that currently sits in the Oval Office. He is angry at me for the things I said about him and his girlfriend to my sister. I called him a dick, an addict, an alcoholic, an abuser. I called her many names as well. He is angry about the fact that I am dating other men. These men might be younger, more handsome, stronger, healthier. They might have bigger dicks, they might be better in bed than he is. I’m not saying any of this is true or not, but that’s what his ego is telling him. My private words wounded him and he lashed out at me in the most vile way. It’s one thing to abuse me in private, but to bring it to my work and involve my colleagues and supervisors is absolutely unacceptable.
Today, he started harassing my little sister. He messaged her while she was at work, and berated her for the things she said about him in our private messages. She’d called him a liar, because I’d told her in detail how he’d lied to me about being able to date men if I ever chose to. Over and over, he demanded she name one lie he’d told. He threw a constant barrage of insults at her, trying to wear her down and force her to give him the information that he wanted. He told her that everything she said would be used against me in our divorce, that his lawyer would see everything and I would suffer for it. She was so overwhelmed by his abuse that she started crying uncontrollably at work.
I’m just so tired. I want to be able to pick up my phone and not see a message from him. I want to have a day of peace without being called names. I want to live my life without having to worry that he might try and disrupt it in some way, or worse, try to ruin it completely. I want the people I love to be left alone. This divorce is between he and I and no one else need be involved.
Finally letting go of this house and severing that tie between us is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it might not be the end of his abuse. I know that there is the possibility that this might continue up until the day we go to court or even beyond. But, as long as it continues, I will write about it. This is my blog, my space to work out what’s going on in my life, and I have every right to tell my story whether he likes it or not. It’s one tiny bit of control I still have regarding my failed relationship with him, and I will hold onto it tightly with all ten fingers.