I had to step away from this space for a long time; it became a place where I felt too vulnerable, too exposed. It no longer felt as though it belonged to me. I think giving myself permission to do that was the right decision. I didn’t try to shove the little bit I had left here into an ill-fitting package to try and salvage it, I left it alone to dry up, to whither away into something manageable for me, and now, here I am, ready to jump into this pool again.
Being a sex blogger is deeply personal for me. Not only do I share my own desires and fantasies with the world, but I write about the lives of the people I share mine with. My partners, companions, lovers and friends are all characters in my life, and their stories are written on these pages along with mine. I’ve learned that can be both exhilarating and uncomfortable, it can feel like the ultimate expression of freedom or it can feel like being trapped in a fishbowl.
I’ve learned a lot since I started this blog, but, perhaps, I learned the most when I stopped writing and started actually looking, seeing. When I got out of my head and off of the page, I saw the truth about who I was. I am not a fantasy; my life is not a fantasy and it never will be. My life can’t be summed up in the even lines of words written on a page. It’s messy and amorphous, something that can’t be held or contained, but here in these pages, I try to make sense of it and share it with you.
I am, above all things, a creator. I’ve spent the last year dismantling, rebuilding, painting over and molding a life where I am, once again, at the center. I am the same as I was before, but now I have created a life where I am the main character in my own story.
xx Blue (She/Her)
I haven’t been here before, but I can see that you have a lot about life to offer us.
Thank you for jumping back into the pool (I think that’s what the photo was saying).